You've got to love an awards show that goes ahead and schedules the extra 30 minutes in their telecast because they know they are going over. And really is three and a half hours really long enough to award six awards and mention 20 other lifetime achievement winners? Apparently just barely.
I enjoy the Grammy's. It's like a big concert that you might never see - but last night I wasn't blown away like I've been in the past. Maybe because people actually started arriving on the red carpet before Ryan even put on his shoes. I'm so over Guiliana - I'm beginning to think that Joan Rivers would be better. But I think the most humbling part of the red carpet was the realization that it's actually a good thing that I never got to attend one in my twenties (for the record - I'm totally ready now). Did you notice that blond girl hovering behind Guiliana in the little black and lace Forever 21 dress? I don't know how she got there but I made fun of her all night until I realized that at 25 that would have been me, too, cell phone in hand calling everyone I've ever met to find me on E! Though I think we all know that I would have secured a much better dress. The only other mystery on the red carpet was the costuming of MGMT and the entourage of Jamie Foxx. Note - I loathe all things Jamie Foxx. Lady Gaga's orbital crotchtastic number seemed about right (I totally stole crotchtastic from the fug girls and I'm eternally grateful for I think it will come in very handy in the future). Her handbag/wand as weapon was a bit much but made more sense when the whole look was re-imagined as Elton John's earring. Also - I don't want to hear from Pants on the Ground man again until he is picking someone's pants off the ground because based on Lil Wayne that message is not breaking through.
I actually think the show hit a high note at the very beginning. Lady Gaga and Elton John in ashes and soot playing ghoulish graveyard pianos was fantastic and a much better nod to Thriller and MJ than that ridiculous 3D Earth thing. Stephen Colbert has been better but I was mesmerized by the iPad. Does anyone know what that fourth Black Eyed Pea does? The one with all the body armor on the red carpet? The one that is not Fergie or Will.I.am or Appl.d? He does not appear to sing - maybe he's the awesome writer? Mazel tov! Whatever - their performance was a delight for my eight year old - for me it just invoked anger at Fergie's body as usual - though not so much for her metallic visor - or Will.i.am's (that's laborious to type) Hannibal Lector mask. But I was mostly distracted by those speaker people dancer things - ridiculous. OH - and what were the non-speaker dancers wearing around their heads? It was like inflatable large intestines? Whose idea was that? Beyonce was amazing as usual. I don't know why she didn't wear that performance dress and shoes all night - it was by far her best look and she killed everything. I love that song and always wondered why it wasn't more popular. And the nod to Alanis was sweet - in a phat way, not a nice way. I'm pretty sure BK has never been wronged by a man but she sure makes a believer out of me. I think that was my favorite performance.
I don't need anyone to perform with Bon Jovi - I'm not even sure I need Bon Jovi to perform - mostly because that keyboardist guy with the ridiculous curly hair hurts my eyes. I like Lady Antebellum a lot - but I never realized that song really only has four words - i, need, you, drunk. However, it was pretty funny when the scrim (i might be making up that word) fell on her head. I would take that as a sign that it's time to ditch that messy ponytail look girlfriend. I don't care for Zac Brown, his beard, his hat, his snow white guest performer or his band. But they seemed nice and America is beautiful - at least my few from atop Breck on Saturday was. I love Stevie Nicks but I'm not sure I would have gone that route with Taylor Swift. Taylor looked better performing than in that non-Grammy pretty dress. It was pretty but wasn't Grammy enough for me. See Rachel from Glee for direction (not all the time but last night).
The fact that Pink can take multi-tasking to a new level is impressive and commendable. I would NOT have thought as much if I was under her getting all wet. But we've now seen the trapeze number a few times - stop flying, start dancing. I already mentioned that the Michael Jackson tribute was lame - I'd much rather see the tribute they did at the AMAs. I mean I know he cared about the earth and all - but he also cared about awesome dancing. However, I will say that Jennifer Hudson and Celine Dion looked incredible. Celine seems not to age at all - must be something in Canada. And JHud is aging in the most awesome way. The crowd was hysterical in their paper glasses.
I'm glad that Kings of Leon won - and they were pretty charming in their admitted drunkenness. But most of all I just hope that now that the song has been anointed with gold that radio stations will bury it forever.
I'm not sure why Dave Matthews performed - I guess nominated for Album of the Year. But it was really, really good. They put on a great show. Plus the random addition of the orchestra and choir was awesome. (Oh that reminds me of the Green Day performance with their musical cast - THAT was awesome!) Gwen told us this morning that the reason for those performers on wheels was a shout out to musical education in schools - it would have been more clear if they would have mentioned that. But one lucky schoolmate of the beautiful Claudia Adams was playing the trombone back there. And that's pretty awesome for a high school kid from Prairie Village, KS.
Mary J Blige and Andrea Boccelli are amazing. I don't really think I need to say anything more about that. Stevie Wonder also did that song quite a bit of justice at the Haiti relief concert last week. I think the final ruling is that Paul Simon is the best ever.
I bet that in the rap world that final performance was awesome - and hopefully tons better than stupid Jamie Foxx and his ADHD performance - that was a catastrophe. I can't believe Slash and Doug E Fresh agreed to be part of that. I digress.. back to that last number - I know Eminem is talented and word on the street is so are Drake and Lil Wayne - but if you can only hear every fifth word on television it might not be the best thing to include in a telecast. Also I refuse to support rich people not in some sort of disaster with their underpants hanging out of their drawers. It is ugly and ridiculous.
There are so many categories at the Grammy's that everyone wins - not on TV - but I'm pretty sure that everyone nominated wins something somewhere. So Lady Gaga did win - but it would have been nice to see her costumes move a bit more. And it would have been nice of Justin Timberlake and Matt Morris showed up to sing Hallelujah again. Or maybe the Dixie Chicks could come out of hiding. Alas - maybe next year.
I'll be heading to bed early tonight for that early morning call from the other Academy - also to see if that varmit sees his shadow - not that winter in Colorado matters.
Rock on!
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