I have no one to thank either – especially the Hollywood Foreign Press Association for teasing me into believing I was going to spend the night with Ricky Gervais when I really only got like 12.43 minutes with him. Rude. Though those moments were good – especially the Mel Gibson one.
The red carpet was hard to read with all the umbrellas – but for once in my life I was not dying to be there. I mean can you imagine working your whole life dreaming of that moment being covered in rain and umbrellas and aquanet? I’d die - and likely fall down or get assaulted by an umbrella. So, thankfully, I saved my breakout performance for THIS year – I mean it can’t rain two years in a row. I will say that Guiliana was really getting on my nerves – in her futuristic aluminum foil dress. Oh but one awesome thing was it sounded like Neil Patrick Harris is going to be a guest judge on American Idol. Now that’s something to be excited about.
As for the show – it was nice (though predicted) that Monique won. I haven’t seen that movie but I trust she was good and her speech seemed a bit planned but was heartfelt enough for me. Same goes for Toni Collette. I’m sure that show is good – it won an Emmy too. Her dress was a bit distracting to me – but I have no complaints. And I agree that animation is excellent for add-ults on drugs. Hooray for Juliana Marguiles. I could have lived without seeing Cher or Christina Aquilera – but the man who scored Up was delightful. Good friends and family indeed. Also, is it me, or do men seem to navigate a route to the stage considerably faster than women? I suppose it could be a costuming issue but still – women seem to get lost more often – which way do I go? Yeah for Kevin Bacon – finally Kyra gets to cheer for him instead of the other way around. And hooray for Michael C. Hall – may he recover soon. He’s a tremendous actor and I don’t even watch that show. Actually we all know who won best speech – Meryl Streep is allowed to talk forever whenever she wants even if she rambles for 10 minutes – she’s beyond lovely. Robert Downey, Jr. was also delightful and earned his win with that speech. I can take Drew Barrymore – she’s just nice. Kind of in the same way I can NOT take Chloe Sevigny – although I love Big Love and she is awesome in that horrible character – she just seems so insincere – even the comment about the dress ripping – she just bugs me. I’m not a huge Mad Men fan mainly because I hate watching things I can’t have – like their entire wardrobe department. But I hear Jon Hamm is good – too bad I’m so bitter because I actually went to college with him and none of my friends nor I ever met him. Sandra Bullock was very nice (and didn’t even seem that scared of Mickey Rourke’s hat or her see through dress in the lights). Jeff Bridges makes me think that the HFPA loves the old guy. I mean I bet it took a lot of convincing to NOT let George Clooney up on that stage. Martin Scorsese was delightful – as were Robert DeNiro (less the pervy jokes) and Leonardo. I am quite impressed with his passion and historical knowledge. I’d bet you $50 that James Cameron couldn’t do that. I know Avatar is supposedly awesome and revolutionary – but I’m not moved to even go see it. However, listening to Arnold Schwarzenegger mispronounce it was kind of fun. Hooray for Glee! Quite awesome that The Hangover won. It made everyone laugh the most last year.
As did Mariah Carey’s endless snafus. It’s not just her neckline – Anna Paquin (who also comes across as such a biotch) wore the same exact proportion on her Stella McCartney dress that I actually liked – and she did NOT look like a porn star. Or Halle Berry who continues to blind me with her beauty – I mean seriously who did NOT gasp when she walked on the stage? I need Mariah Carey to go play with butterflies or something and get OFF my TV - and she can take her Nick Cannon, too. There were a lot of dresses that I loved when I saw snippets and then full length pictures made me reconsider. Like Marion Cotillard was stunning talking to Ryan – the Chris-ti-an Dior (she could NOT be more delightful) – looked amazing. But then when you saw the lace part stick out of the leg slit – it looked like pretty Spanx and became very distracting. Anna Kedrick’s Marchesa was fantastic – but she’s 4’11” – you can’t wear that. Same goes for you, too, Rachel from Glee – I know it would be hard for me to resist the magnetic pull of an Oscar de la Renta ball gown given the opportunity – but you are too tiny for that dress – it is reserved for supermodels. In fact, all the black strapless was starting to bore the crap out of me. I’m not sure that’s a good excuse for fuchsia, Lauren Graham or Diane Kruger. Though I kind of liked Kruger’s Chanel despite it looking like a giant bottle of Pepto Bismol. I might just really like her – and her arm candy was better, too. I can’t resist Pacey Witter, but back to color. Sandra Bullock’s Bottega Vennetta looked great on the runway – in fact People.com had this fun game where you guessed what people would wear – some of their selections were way better than the actual outcome – and they picked that dress for someone else. But the see through parts made it look like colored cellophane which made it start to fail. I’m biased to simple, well tailored folding material and proportion – so I loved Kate Hudson’s dress despite it just being a slightly updated version of Eva Mendes dress last year – which means TRZ [Rachel Zoe for you non-fans] loves that look – which she should considering wearing on occasion – also a protein shake would do her good. It’s hard to not mention the sea urchins on Drew Barrymore’s shoulder and hip – too bad. And Reese Witherspoon and Kate Winslet’s navy/blue-ish one shoulder columns were stunning as was Julianna Marguiles’ Rodriguez – not thrilling but pretty. Winslet gets extra points for having to basically make out with Jeff Bridges, too. I think Patricia Arquette and Jessica Lange had the same broken mirror and chose the same rumpled grey velour number – yuck. I wasn’t crazy about Heidi Klum’s grayish lavender either. And I really love Julie Roberts – I really do – but it looked like she threw on a DVF and shook out her wet head and headed out the door. I know it was YSL vintage or something of an excuse but please stop resisting the fact that you are a bloody movie star! The older women (less Jessica Lange) did it quite well last night – Helen Mirren and Sophia Loren and Meryl Streep all looked lovely and reminded us that supportive undergarments CAN make a difference and should be used to great effect. How much would you hate life if you were Julie Bowen and had to go work on the greatest show with Sofia Vergara? She also hurts my eyes she's so gorgeous. At first I hated the color of her Herrera but as the night went on (and the Proseco dried up) it started to grow on me – even with the giant bow. Oh – who I am kidding? I LOVE a giant bow (just ask Angie to reference my senior year high school homecoming dress that I borrowed from Amy Berkley – pink bows on the dress, in my hair and even hot glued to my black pumps). I also really wanted to love Christina Hendricks dress – mainly because it was made by Christian Siriano – but I kind of hated all of it – and yes I mean her boobs. As for Jennifer Garner – she may have never looked so good and by good I mean skinny – but I refuse to acknowledge her publicly without Ben. Finally, I have a message for Nate Archibald – a message that I’m nearly positive that Blair has already conveyed – simply, stop f*cking with your hair. Put the gel down now. Also shave – in fact – EVERYONE shave – Ricky Gervais, George Clooney, Jon Hamm, Robert Downey, Jr, William H Macy, and William Hurt who needs to take a week to shave.
So I guess I have to pick a favorite – if I could be anyone in the room I would pick Halle Berry. If I could wear any dress tomorrow, I pick January Jones.
And to end on more serious note – I’m not sure who decided ribbon wearing was the best way to show you care about someone other than yourself, because it is stupid. But it’s nice that several celebrities have donated money to help the nightmare that is Haiti right now. I look forward to George Clooney’s friendfest on Friday night and I will continue to donate as I continue to get paid. The company I work fo has an office in Miami so it hits closer to home. They have been very generous to match and then match again any donation – so I just keep donating. I’m sure when Bruce Springsteen sings a sad song I’ll give again. And you should, too. Dresses and movies and art make the world more enjoyable at times – but people and their amazing spirit make it worth being part of.
Cheers until the Oscar nominations –
Melanie
Have to say, Sandra Bullock's shout out to her American family: "Put down the Maker's Mark and go to bed" was pretty darn funny. I always liked her and thought she'd be fun to have a beer with. I'm glad her career has been resurrected somewhat.
Can James Cameron be any more of a tool? It's like I don't even care what he actually says: he's like a dorky kid who is stoked to be playing with the cool kids, no matter what he does. He will never be as eloquent as Scorsese. The man is like 100 and still sounds so polished and prepared. THAT'S the way to give a speech (well, him and Robert Downey Jr.)
Ricky was a little "bleh" for me, but then again not sure what I expected him to do. In the end, it's still a show about an ego-driven industry patting itself on the back. But you know I love it...no matter how much I want to look away! :-)
Thanks Melanie for another spectacular review!
Posted by: Maria | January 20, 2010 at 06:40 PM